So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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