Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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