He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize