You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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