Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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