I got chris browned last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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