I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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