I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize