you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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