So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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