People in love make me want to vomit
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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