god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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