Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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