hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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