oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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