this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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