Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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