So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize