Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
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We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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