She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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