I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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