peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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