I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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