And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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