Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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