the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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