I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know her cup size but not her name....
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