Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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