dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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