So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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