did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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