You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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