Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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