Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just pee around me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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