if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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