this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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