I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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