how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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