I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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