The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize