So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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