There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize