I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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