He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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