Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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