Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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