When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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