Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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