His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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