dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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